Me, M.D.
As someone who has visited countless doctors, I respect the medical community tremendously. I equally value the world of alternative healers for the wisdom they bring to our healing journey. However, I’ve learned that we can’t rely solely on them for all of our answers. In fact, disproportionately looking to the doctor on the outside to tell us what we need could quiet the wise doctor inside us. The specialist within is highly qualified in its own way to inform us of what we, in our infinite uniqueness, truly need to find Wholeness. Whether we want to lose weight, lift our despair, heal illness or have enough energy to engage more fully in our lives, our inner physician will always offer meaningful feedback. Even if the outcome isn’t exactly as we desire, the Wisdom within will still infuse us with the peace that emerges when ALL of ourselves shows up to life.
I believe balance is ideal and there’s a place for all medicines and modalities of healing. So after a long road of trying to treat my severe anxiety and crushing fatigue I gained a substantial amount of knowledge from the outside. Beyond all the elegant descriptions of what my symptoms meant in the context of Chinese Medicine, Ayurveda, Psychology and western medicine, I knew there was more (mainly because I remained very stuck).
Day after day, I attempted all the external prescriptions. I was told: move more, journal, eat better, love yourself, stop absorbing other’s energy, don’t think so much…and a dozen other things. While these are all valuable in their own right, I wasn’t able to integrate them in a sustainable way. Despite diligently taking my metaphorical prescriptions day-in and day-out, things were not shifting. I got tired of going in circles, so I stopped. Only then did I realize I was putting all of my power in those outside of me to tell me what to do. I’d blindly accepted the external prescriptions without any input from my inner Wisdom to inform the process.
I woke up to the fact that my Wisdom deserves to have a say as well. I stopped everything and made an appointment with myself.
Like a good doctor, I thoroughly examined my symptoms and started piecing things together from a holistic angle rather than the fearful place of annihilating symptoms with the latest craze. I tested what energized and grounded me (whether it was food, activities or people). Those became my medicine, even though some things didn’t line up with my long list of “shoulds” . I monitored what drained me and what I was metaphorically allergic to and eliminated it from my life. Most importantly, I continued to do follow up appointments with myself.
It turned out my inner doctor did guide me towards seeking western medicine for some things. But I learned it was so much more than making sure to eat certain foods, meditating and getting 30 minutes of exercise a day. While important, none of those things were my sole answer.
As it turns out, it has been about facing repressed anger that was tying up a TON of my energy, that no amount of kale alone could keep up with. Rx: learning to feel my feelings without guilt and shame for appearing ‘aggressive’ as a woman.
It has been about learning what valuing myself means and having the courage to part with circumstances and relationships that did not serve my highest potential. This was not a job for an acupuncture needle alone. Rx: Leave. Just walk away peacefully.
It has been about deciding to stop running away from myself and the terrifying internal dialogue that constantly plagued me. Rx: swapping my metaphorical running shoes for stillness so that I could finally access unprocessed grief I’d turned away from for decades, keeping me depressed.
In more ways than you know, you are your own best doctor. Quieting yourself enough to hear what’s true for your mind, body and spirit may hold the key to unlocking some of the most mysterious struggles that have been with you for so long.
It goes without saying that all the valuable tools available to us on the outside will support the inner journey, but be sure that you know what you need so you’re not putting a band aid where mending a broken heart is in order.
Spend some time with your inner doctor and you’ll be sure to find your own unique prescription.