As a child one of my favorite games was Dot to Dot. I was always giddy waiting to see the picture emerge from the senseless blur. The instructions were simple: find the hidden picture by connecting the correct dots.

There’s no better analogy on the spiritual path as one that encourages us to connect the right dots together in order to find what is True for us.

 So much suffering in life arises out of connecting the wrong dots together, yielding a flawed picture of what’s actually happening and halting our growth:

We may solely connect our anger to an unfairness we perceive inflicted on us, instead of connecting it to a deeper truth that we don’t feel empowered to have boundaries or to speak up for what we need. While we’re busy being outraged at someone, we don’t get a chance to develop our voice and practice standing in our power in a healthy way.

We may connect our feelings of abandonment only to the person who left us, instead of also connecting it to our deep sense of discomfort with being alone and the agony of rejection (which spares nobody in their lifetime). Mired in the despair of being left, we may numb or distract and therefore lose the chance to piece back together the parts of us that will make us feel whole again.

We may connect our feeling of unsafety to the unpredictable behavior of our partner, instead of connecting it to our own deep seated fear of not feeling in control. While demanding our partner change so we can feel safer, we lose the chance to connect to our wisest Self that knows we were never in control and that our work is to strengthen our spiritual muscles by getting comfortable with the unknown.

 My growth only began to really flourish when I was finally willing to connect the situation causing pain to its truest source, rather than drawing a flawed line to yet another wrong person, place or situation. Suddenly the fear, blame and waiting for something outside of myself to change in order to feel better stopped. In its place arrived an impulse to go beyond the surface of the story and transmute the dysfunctional beliefs and habits keeping me stuck.

This practice does not mean we don’t take action in our external world. The reality is that sometimes the dots do lead to ending relationships or leveraging healthy anger for justice. But we arrive at those informed decisions through truth rather than from fear.

So check what dots are you connecting in your stories to ensure they’re where they belong. You will start to see yourself and others so much more clearly.